Post-Paris(2): Don't steal my heart babe, I know you have the keys...

The concert had come to an end and people headed outside. After a little freshening-up in the ladies room I followed their example. I was leaning against the building and lit a cigarette while I watched people converse in a language I barely understood. Soon L and S turned up and joined me for a drink and a chat. A few other women -who had clearly past the age of thirty- joined in on the conversation as well. Lots of chit-chat followed, basically all about nothing. The cute keyboard player, V, was there as well but as he was pretty held on to by those women I barely spoke to him. The women seemed happy to be out and having a blast with the band. They behaved almost like teenagers midst-puberty. The security guards eventually interrupted all of the chit-chat as they were trying to close up the venue while kicking out what was left of the crowd...

L and the others invited all of us backstage where we could all continue our conversational drinks without any interruption. The place resembled an old wine cellar, underground and characterized by walls of large medieval-looking stones. The feeling of antiquity was more or less shattered by the presence of three ordinary white tables with matching benches, which reminded me of the ones in my high school cafeteria. The guys gladly pointed out the huge refrigerator which was filled with beer, a few vodka bottles, more liquor and some orange juice. Not necessarily in the same quantities... I sat down at one of the tables together with two rather shy girls, L, and the 'Roadie of the Day'. It seemed that this young German lad had won some kind of contest and was rewarded with the honour of joining the band for a couple days on the road and working rather hard... The atmosphere in the backstage was soothing and I was feeling manic again. I gladly mixed myself and the two girls in my company some vodka cocktails. Although they were about my age they came across very green. Whilst I kept a conversation going with them I could feel L's eyes on me, as he was amazed by my spontaneous behaviour towards the girls. L had been aware of my contradiction concerning girls: the lack of girlfriends and skill to approach them on one hand but the desire to be able to be more intimate with them on the other. I ended up giving one of the girls relationship 'advice' while teaming up with L, but soon the girls had to leave. After their departure L said he had never seen me like this before, so spontaneous and chatty. My confidence was indeed at a particularly high level...

I was feeling completely at ease, being flirtatious with L but at the same time keeping my calm and playing a bit 'hard to get'. At one point I left him almost alone at the table and joined V's, just like that. Me and V had subtly been exchanging looks throughout the evening and when I noticed he was actually suffering from the pubertal attention of the slightly elder women I planted myself right next to him. I could sense he was glad he had someone else to talk to for a change and I saw him subtly turning away from the rest of the company. The next ten minutes we talked and laughed about many silly things and we got along extremely well without any effort. And then he asked me a question that has been worn out by many musicians before: "Would you help me carry some things to the bus?".

He handed me a small, practically weightless, plastic bag and we headed outside. Unfortunately, after only being in the lounge for a mere five minutes, there were people coming on the bus informing us they were getting ready to hit the road. Soon everyone got on the bus. L and V got comfy in their bunks, one on each side of the bus. I was hanging in the middle together with the Roadie of the Day while sipping what was left of the cocktail I had brought on board. The four of us just hung out there for a bit until L suddenly remarked I might as well join V in his bunk... "Yeah, why not? There's room enough for the both of us..." V responded with a friendly smile. And so I crawled in...

We closed the small yellow curtains which were the only thing giving us some privacy. It was the first time I actually lay in such a bunk and it was exactly as I imagined it would be: small. Of course this only encouraged us to get close to each other. As it was almost pitch black in the tiny cabin our lips searched for each other. The darkness only enhanced the intenseness of the act. Though I couldn't see him I could feel his warm breath on me as he made passionate love to me. This was exactly how it felt, like real passionate love-making... It was exciting yet gentle and slow, and almost as if it were very meaningful. I can really only describe him as a gentle lover, delivering a perfect balance between tense nervousness and downright passion. Being totally focused on what was happening on our side of those tiny curtains I almost forgot the people on the other side... I was quickly reminded of this when V was groping outside his bunk in search for a condom. "What do you need man?" L said, and he handed V his little red handbag. As I enjoyed V's passion so badly I couldn't help it making some noise from time to time. Meanwhile L and the ROTD had heard everything and at one point L said something to him like: "I bet you have never experienced such a thing before..." I couldn't agree more...

Though the environment wasn't really suitable for it we went through the whole process, all but rushed and completed by the afterglow. Afterwards we got our clothes back on, opened the curtains and continued the mingling with the others, almost like nothing had happened. I was happy to see that S had joined L and the ROTD and he invited me in his bunk for some beer and music. I basically crawled from one bunk into the other... S is the one you can always have fun with, he's practically always making funny remarks and he's usually wasted. I called his one the 'party-bunk' as it differed from the others by the bottles of beer that were stashed under his pillow. We actually ended up having a really good talk but in the end he still tried to have his way with me as well... This felt like more than I could handle and I realized I longed for V's bunk again so I crawled out and got back in there with V. "You haven't done anything with S, have you?" he asked me. I was glad I could say no and I could lay in his strong arms again and feel his soft lips on mine...

As I drifted away to 'Never Never Land' suddenly the engine of the bus started and I was wide awake. We jumped out of the bunk and V helped me get all of my stuff. He escorted me outside and gave me one last passionate goodnight kiss. I was waiting for the gates to open so that I could commence the cold and lonely journey back to the station when S, the tour manager and the main roadie came out. While keeping me company for a couple more minutes they tried to convince me to get back on the bus and train back home in the morning. S promised that he would take care of my train ticket. The bus was now leaving for real and after a lot of pulling back and forth I seized the day -or rather night- and gave in! I joined them in the front of the bus for another drink and as I felt the bus moving I said "I can't believe I'm doing this!". I had rarely felt this excited. I didn't really have a clue of where they were heading other than some other place in Germany, but I believed S when he told me not to worry. When I asked them how V would feel about this the tour manager said to me I had to do this for myself and not V.

As he had already gone to bed anyway and I shouldn't stay for him -sigh- I spent the night in S's bunk. Although I thought I had made it clear to him that there wasn't going to happen anything I had to slap his hand several times when he tried some stuff on me. After about ten minutes he gave up and soon he fell asleep. Being far too excited I couldn't get to sleep at all. The bus was very hot and the bunk was too small not to lay against each other. After hours of lying awake the bus finally stopped and I could hear some movement. I decided to get up as well and when I looked through the windows downstairs I figured that it was early morning. To my surprise we weren't at the venue yet. Instead we had stopped at some gas station somewhere in the middle of nowhere. It turned out we still had some more hours of driving ahead and I wondered how and when I was ever going to get back home again...

L was the one that had gotten up and I joined him for some orange juice. Like V he had already gone to bed when I got back on the bus before so he was quite surprised to see me. He said I had chosen the worst bunk to sleep in and I couldn't agree with him more -during the last hour S had started coughing a lot too... L recommended getting in V's bunk again. "He won't mind", he said, and so I went to V's bunk and asked if I could get in with him. He was of course confused at first but he really didn't mind having me in there again. I was so happy to lie in a comfortable bunk and with V's strong arms wrapped safely around me I finally fell asleep...

I guess you know you're a groupie when...

You usually go to several shows of the same tour and travelling abroad ain't gonna stop you.

When going to a concert you're the first one to arrive and last to leave.

You go to a concert with the prospect of scoring one of the band members.

You feel so at home in a backstage, the first thing you do when walking in is grabbing yourself a beer.

You have a 'trophy' necklace hanging around your neck, consisting of guitar picks.

You have a MySpace profile only to maintain contact with certain artists.

You go to a concert alone because your friends ARE the band.

You always go first-row and stage-flirting isn't new to you.

You schedule your period on the basis of certain concert dates.

"Almost Famous" is one of your all-time favourite movies.

You're watching a guitar solo together with friends and suddenly realize you're moaning out loud.

There's an "It's OK, I'm with the band" t-shirt hanging on your wall, signed by Pamela Des Barres and "I'm With the Band" is on your night stand.

You've started to keep a list of the musicians you've slept with.

You've seen the inside of a tourbus and you know what its like to (try to) sleep on one.

You've pre-ordered the book "Sex tips from rockstars".

You sometimes prefer concert videos over HQ porn.

...

Post-Paris(1): discovering stage-flirting

After my adventure in Paris I kept in touch with L. Neither of us made a big deal out of what had happened and I continued my summer doing a number of other crazy things. After all I was a single girl again after what had felt like several long years. Plus, I had just graduated so there's no need to tell you that that summer was like a revelation to me.

Together with the end of a beautiful summer a whole new life was about to begin for me. I started studying at university and living on my own. This was the moment I had been dreaming of since...well since before I even hit puberty. I have to admit it didn't even took one month before I got involved with someone again. But this time it would be different. We started off as friends with benefits and we both treasured our freedom. After a while we couldn't ignore the fact that we became more than just friends. But still we didn't want the relationship to limit our personal aspirations and development as such, so we decided that a sort of open relationship would be more our thing. When L's band was back on tour in Europe this would mean I'd have the freedom to go and do my thing. Blessed me.

The first time I saw him again was at a show on the other side of the country. I went alone and enjoyed the solitude which accompanied the train ride. When arriving at the venue I texted L to inform him I was there. After proudly saying my name to the guy managing the guestlist I started my search for a friendly ride home. When that was taken care of I got a text back from L, saying that he had just finished his dinner and we could meet up at the bus. We did a bit of catching up but I wanted to see some of the support act so he escorted me to the backstage, hung a backstage pass around my neck and showed me the way to the concert hall. I bumped into the other guitarist who seemed happy to see me - I was happy he even recognised me in the first place. He gave me a beer and we watched the rest of the support act together.

When S left to get ready I made my way to the front of the stage. I actually didn't like the beer much so I gave it to some guy who was very happy to receive a beer I got from S. Some more surrounding people asked about how I knew the band and I proudly showed my AAA-pass. The band put on a pretty good show and once again I enjoyed the eye contact with L and S. This resulted in even more -and slightly jealous- reactions from the people around me, which may have made me feel too good for my own good... But there was something different this time... For the first time I noticed the keyboard player -who had always been kind of stuck in the back. He was actually really cute and my eyes were drawn to this energetic musician.

After the concert I talked to L for a few minutes but then I left him with some fans. I saw the cute keyboard player sitting alone by the stage so I got up to him and introduced myself. We had a short talk and I found out he really was a nice guy. Unfortunately the ride I fixed earlier was about to leave so I had to say goodbye to the guys. As I was walking away L suddenly pulled me back and gave me one last hug while saying it was a shame I had to leave so quickly -Aaahh! How I wished I could've stayed longer!

... A few months later ...

I was at the same festival where I had caught the guitar pick three years earlier. Only this time I was on the guestlist ánd had access to the VIP area. It seemed like a lot had happened during those three years... I managed to get on the first row again when L's band performed and I had such an amazing time! My eye-contact had switched an enormous amount from L to V -the keyboard player. There was a lot of "stage-flirting" going on between the two of us throughout the entire show though I don't think he remembered me from the last time we met. (I guess I started to use the term stage-flirting from then on -oh, and yes I'd like that patented please.) I caught his attention and flirty, naughty looks were exchanged throughout the show. When they finished and came to the front of the stage to take a communal bow he signed to me I could meet him right after. But there was no clear way to the backstage and L didn't answer his cell phone. This really bummed me out, so I kept an eye out for both of them and went to look for them in the VIP-lounge. Unfortunately I only found the bassist who didn't know where the others were. Eventually I gave up and -again- tried to enjoy the rest of the festival with a feeling of disappointment floating in the background.

... several months went by ...

One day L started chatting with me and the longing for another show started to take over again. The band was touring around the rest of Europe and I checked for a doable venue and date -without much success 'cause I didn't have lots of money to spend on a trip. A few days went by and I had sort of given up when I stumbled on a cheap ticket to Cologne where they would be playing the very next day. The all-time impulsive me decided to skip work, skip classes and just GO! I even had to borrow money from one of my housemates to be able to pay for the train ticket.

Less than 12hrs later I was on my way! I felt so free, almost manic and I set my clock to Rock 'n' Roll-time! After having practically force-fed myself out of nervousness at Burger King I walked the streets of Cologne. I passed a funfair on the way to the venue and thought to myself "Maybe I could stay with these people for the night..." I didn't text L when I got there, instead I went straight to the stage to make sure I had the best spot. Well...that and the fact that this time we would have plenty of time to catch up afterwards! Plus, ever since my eye had caught V my interest in L had vastly decreased... As I was surrounded by some sixteen-year-olds who were trying to -far too obviously- catch every bandmember's attention, including V's, I thought I'd better focus on enjoying the concert and leave the 'mingling' for later.

After all, when I want something I'll make sure I get it, you just wait and see...